20 September 2006

Americans and the Power of Magical Thinking


GW Bush: "We are addicted to foreign oil."
Brazil: "Hey that's okay... we have some sugar-cane ethanol you could buy instead. It's cheaper, it's a scalable resource. Good for greenhouse gas emissions, and we could stop logging the Amazon rainforest if you bought it. How win-win is that?"
Bush: "No thanks. We'd rather subsidize anti-American activity in the middle east by sticking with the foreign oil plan. Surely you'll understand the huge tariff we are going to place on your ethanol....We are Evil!!! MOUAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Or is it like this:

GW Bush: "We are addicted to foreign oil."
Brazil: "Hey that's okay... we have some sugar-cane ethanol you could buy instead. It's cheaper, it's a scalable resource. Good for greenhouse gas emissions, and we could stop logging the Amazon rainforest if you bought it. How win-win is that?"
Bush: "Ummmmm..... No thanks, little man. We have so much going on in the middle east already and the only way we can imagine all this bloodshed being worthwhile is to make sure oil remains the most important commodity ever. So surely you'll understand the huge tariff we are going to place on your ethanol."

Surely it can't be:

Bush: "We are addicted to foreign oil."
Brazil: "Hey that's okay... we have some sugar-cane ethanol you could buy instead. It's cheaper, it's a scalable resource. Good for greenhouse gas emissions, and we could stop logging the Amazon rainforest if you bought it. How win-win is that?"
Bush: "Scalable? Greenhouse? Where in Deuteronomy is this "greenhouse" business? Who are these people?"
Undersecretary of Revalation: "Greenhouse... greenhouse. That's a Book of Revalation issue, sir."
Bush Administration: "Ah, yes... greenhouse! Will this Brazilian plan hasten or prolong our deliverance from this vale of tears?"
Undersecretary of Revalation: "Prolong, sir."
Bush: "We'll slap a huge tariff on that."

Feel free to play along... the variations are endless.

2 Comments:

Blogger geoffrey said...

GW Bush: "We are addicted to foreign oil."
Brazil: "Hey that's okay... we have some sugar-cane ethanol you could buy instead. It's cheaper, it's a scalable resource. Good for greenhouse gas emissions, and we could stop logging the Amazon rainforest if you bought it. How win-win is that?"
Bush: Huh... really? Can i get back to you?
--one week later--
--BREAKING NEWS--
Bush (from an emergency press briefing that just happens to be at the same exact time a report by all 12 intelligence agencies that shows exact plans for the internal demolition of the World Trade Center as signed by George HW Bush, is being declassified): We have been informed by our sources that Brazil is looking to manufacture nucular weapons and poses a great threat to our freedoms which could come in the form of a mushroom cloud. We are giving them 48 hours to comply, and then we will be forced to take their ethanol. That's all for today... oh yeah, and torture is good, and if you vote for a democrat you will most likely be killed in your sleep by brown people and you won't get into heaven. God Bless America.

27 September, 2006 18:25  
Blogger Candy Minx said...

"We are addicted to foreign oil"

"Hey that's okay, we've got sugar-cane ethanol you could buy instead."

"That is perfect because people are too stupid to know that it takes oil to make fertilizer to grow the sugar-cane. Heh heh, it's a win-win shell game. Pun intented, hey I made a funny."

28 September, 2006 10:48  

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